I think I must lack some fundamental woman gene. Or maybe it got replaced with some bitch gene. I don't know, Bitch keeps insisting its true. And maybe it is. I don't seem to do all too well in relationships. I'm not a very nice person; if it seems to you like I am then I probably bitch behind your back a hell lot. I think everyday that goes by I become a little less mature. Or maybe this is what maturity feels like. Damnit I'm 18. I've never gone clubbing before. Haha yes shock outrage whatever the reaction is. Yeah yeah people wanna take me I don't wanna go. Its too many people trying to fit in. It just sounds so unappealing to me. Its the same with Dipsy's friends. He keeps wanting me to meet them. And I keep pushing it off. I'm not sure if he reads this, cause I hardly ever update, but I can guess its gonna land me into big trouble and another conversation where we can't keep ignoring things and have to talk them out. God help me, I HATE talking things out. Anyway back to Dipsy's friends. From all the stories he tells me, like funny things that happen in school that aren't quite so funny to me and I'm obliged to laugh at, they all sound like they're trying WAYYYY too hard. Even him.

I can't help but wonder if every relationship is like this, where you get so easily irked by the other person. Maybe its just the initial puppy dog phase wearing off, or maybe its PMS, whatever it is, its getting harder and I'm not sure I can last much longer. When its good its good, when its not its not. Its never bad, its just that when its not good its not anything. I'm not making any sense. Thats what waking up before 12 on a saturday morning will do to you though.

Enough of this shit, back to sleep. Gonna thread eyebrows later, don't know why I bother. Not like he ever seems to notice any little efforts I take. They're certainly not reciprocated in the least. Then again, maybe I don't deserve much better eh? Wah wah self-pity. So attractive no?